5 Ways to meet a very big goal

5 Ways to meet a very big goal Last week I wrote about how important it is to pick the right goal for yourself so that you are not banging your head against the wall trying to meet an impossible or insignificant goal. I actually think the reason we dont meet our goals is mostly because the goals suck. But if you have a really important goal thats right for you, here are some ways to ensure you see the goal to completion: 1. Think about money. People who get paid to reach their goals are better at reaching them. This is why we typically can meet deadlines for work but not self-imposed deadlines. And thats why movie stars can stay rail-thin, while the rest of us have a harder time losing weight: A movie stars livelihood is based on their ability to lose weight. So if you can think like a movie star, and decide that your livelihood depends on meeting your goal, then youll probably meet it. Here are some mental gymnastics to that end: People who meet one goal can meet more goals because self-discipline is a muscle that gets stronger and stronger. Additionally, most of our career goals depend on self-discipline. So we can all tell ourselves that if we meet our one goal, whatever it is, we will have more successful careers and thereby make a lot more money. Goal setting tip: Dont set a goal about money. It has no intrinsic value beyond your basic food and shelter. Set your goals for things that truly will change your life. The money will come from living life like this. 2. State your goals in a way that encourages sticking to them. You cant structure that change if you are telling yourself only what NOT to do. My friend, Jay, points out that kids are a good example theyre much better at be quiet than shut up. (Which immediately shows me not only why my kids are never quiet, but also that maybe my most important goals should be in the parenting arena.) If your goal is to stop smoking, the goal is actually to replace that behavior with something else. One recent goal of mine was about not eating bread, but I reframed it so that I eat only foods that make me feel good. You cant change behavior if you dont know what to change it to. Dont make your goal so broad that you cant tell on a day to day basis if youre getting there. For example, I have a goal to keep my marriage together. On a day to day basis, though, my number-one thing is to keep my computer turned off when Im home with my husband. It takes discipline and I have to plan for it. For example, at 9am I start making sure that no one is going to be waiting for me to respond to them between 6pm and 8pm. This would be easy for some of you, but I have been responding to email during family time for years, so people expect it. I have to retrain myself to retrain them. Gender tip: Both genders should follow this advice, but for different reasons. Women get grander success when they tell their goals to a friend. But the competitive nature of men makes them very susceptible to specific measures of success, according to research from Richard Wiseman at the University of Hertfordshire (via Idealawg). 3. Write the goal down every day, and put the paper on your wall. Many books extol the idea that if you write your goal down each day, it makes you more committed. I tried it. It works. One of the reasons this works is that changing our behavior takes intense focus and writing down our goals reminds our brain. Bruce Wexler is a neuroscientist and author of Brain and Culture. He found that children have brains that can easily change, but adults become more hard-wired and changing their behavior requires a more extreme amount of intense focus than we ever imagine. Writing down your goals will take about a minute a day. Not that long at all. But its a good litmus test. If you cant commit to thinking about the goal regularly, you probably wont have the focus to change. Blogger tip: Susan Johnston told me she accomplishes this through her blog, Urban Muse, where she writes about meeting her professional goals for an audience of readers who are also trying to meet similar goals. She says, The blog keeps me accountable to my goals. I think this is actually true of a lot of bloggers, especially productivity types. 4. Commit to three weeks The hardest part of changing behavior is that your brain is addicted to the bad behavior. For example, when you think about the gym, your brain remembers when you didnt go to the gym and did work instead and your brain gets happy from having the extra time to work. If thats what you usually do. If you force yourself to change your behavior for three weeks, your brain will start to develop more dopamine in response to the behavior that you are trying to change to, according to Monika Fleshner, a neuroimmuno-physiologist at the University of Colorado at Boulder. For example, after three weeks, your brain will start to release dopamine when it thinks about going to the gym instead of when it thinks about ditching the gym. During those three weeks, you need to know, the night before, how you are going to meet your goal the next day. For example, when my goal was to lose my pregnancy weight, I had to organize every day around going to the gym, scheduling the babysitter, and breastfeeding. Each day required a different schedule, but I worked it out the night before. When I was starting out as a professional writer, I knew I needed to write an hour every day, but it was really hard for me. I used to put it off and put it off and then it wouldnt happen. Until I realized that I had to schedule every single day around that hour in order for it to happen. McDonalds tip: You also have to organize your days around avoiding the dopamine triggers of the behavior youre trying to avoid. For example, if you dont want to eat fries, drive three blocks out of your way to avoid your regular McDonalds. According Nora Volkow, the director of the National Institute on Drug Abuse, for some people, just seeing the colors red and yellow makes their brain release dopamine in anticipation of McDonalds. Your issue might not be fries, but most of us have our own version of the red and yellow trigger. 5. Make some new friends to go with your new behavior People who dont change their behavior tend to justify it by saying that its socially acceptable, according to Cindy Jardine, professor at the University of Alberta who studies public health. This is why, for instance, if you have fat friends you are likely to be fat. So travel in circles where the behavior you want to change is not accepted. And find like-minded people. They will help you to be the person you want to be.